31 Lessons Learned in 31 Years
A process of unlearning and relearning
A process of unlearning and relearning
If we’re not learning in life then what are we doing?
I have often seen these lists of x number of lessons in x number of years and now that I'm close to 32, I decided to write my own. I'm in my thirties! (Don’t tell 15 yr old me.) That means something. I have gone through a lot and have experienced many changes in the last four years. These are some things I've learned so far.
1. Black and white all or nothing mentality helps no one and is not realistic
There are many grey areas in life, and I’m not talking about the big things like moral issues or biblical truth. The actions and decisions of well-rounded individuals are based on many factors.
2. We’re doing productivity wrong
We have been lied to and pressured to multitask. We believe the more things we can juggle at the same time the more productive we are. Busyness does not equal productivity. We need rest and we need focus.
3. Boundaries are important and they may look different than you think
This is something I grew up not knowing. In fact, I did not know what boundaries were or that they were not very strong in my family, which can be very damaging. Know your boundaries and know how to make them known to others and enforce them kindly. And no, having boundaries does not mean always putting yourself first.
4. Perfect is the enemy of good
We all have an idea of perfect, right? We all chase perfection in one area or another, yet perfection is elusive!
If we wait until something is perfect or until we are perfect we will be waiting the rest of our lives.
5. You can’t control anyone
And we only hurt ourselves and others by trying to control and manipulate them.
6. If someone doesn’t want to change, they won’t
“If he loved me enough he would change.” How many times I have thought this. Often, someone else’s change has nothing to do with us and depends on many other things. Trying to change someone will only lead to resentment.
7. Only Jesus can fill the void in our heart and lives
God, as our creator, designed us to be fully satisfied and content in Him and Him alone. This means that only when we have accepted Jesus in our hearts and have a relationship with Him is this void filled.
8. Don’t follow your heart
It will lead you astray. Our hearts can often want many things which can actually be harmful to us- and to others. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander (Matthew 15:19).
9. WHY matters
You know what you want and you’re going after it, but do you know why? Why is this important to you? Why do we do the things we do? If we don’t know why, we cannot have clear direction, hence we may be doing the wrong things.
10. We are not owners, but stewards
Because God made everything He owns everything. That includes “my” time, body, money, relationships, and everything in my life — including my life itself. God has entrusted these things to me for me to take care of them and use them for His glory.
11. You have to “own” your story
This is one that has taken me a long time to learn and be able to do. Our story shapes who we are, though it is not our identity. Furthermore, when I don’t own my story I am a victim of it, but by accepting it and sharing it with others I can take that power away from it.
12. Relationships matter most
We were made for a relationship! Not only relationship with God but the relationship with others. We can so often neglect our relationships and friendships for our jobs, careers, business, etc. In this temporal world material possessions, money, prestige, status, etc come and go. We don’t take any of that with us. But relationships help us grow and enrich our lives in many ways.
13. I am not enough and that’s ok
I’m sorry to say it, but — you are not enough and neither am I. We are all born into sinful nature and as such are not worthy of God. There is nothing we can do to make ourselves worthy/enough. I’m not trying to say here that you have no value. I am saying that only by believing Jesus is our saviour do we gain favour with God. We don’t have to be enough because Jesus is enough and He covers and forgives our sins when we have faith.
14. Failure is acceptable
I have heard from different sources time and time again that failure is not an option. Friends, this is damaging. Failure is part of life. Failure is how we learn and grow. No one is perfect and we are guaranteed to make mistakes. We put an incredible and unreasonable amount of pressure on ourselves when we believe failure is the be all end all.
15. Do it anyway, you’ll never be ready
How many times have I thought to myself: I can’t do this until I’m ready! I’m not ready! Well, I never will be. There are things in life we can never be ready for: marriage, having children, starting that business, etc. I often also wonder: How will I know when I’m ready? This just leads to inaction because I’m waiting on a feeling that may never come or maybe too hard to identify. Do it anyway. We learn along the way and we only truly learn by doing.
16. All in God’s timing
Speaking of being ready — sometimes we do feel like we are ready for something and everything seems to be in the right place at the right time and yet — nothing is happening. God in His infinite wisdom knows the right time for everything and everyone.
I cannot rush something that God is waiting on.
17. Pain, suffering, and struggling is part of life
This is obvious — we see it everywhere in the world. There is an incredible abundance of pain and struggle. Most of us would like the pain and suffering to end. It is in our nature to seek pleasure and happiness instead. However, in this fallen world riddled with sin, it is inescapable. The good news is that God can and does use this pain to mature us and grow our character and even sometimes bless us through it.
18. Less is more
In the last couple of years, I have been more and more drawn to less, not only in aesthetics but also in everything in my life. Less clutter, less noise, less material possessions, less visual clutter — even fewer choices! (Decision fatigue is real) This all can be replaced with more freedom, more peace, more simplicity, more quality, more rest, etc.
19. Shortcuts don’t work long term
They just don’t. The only way is to do the work.
20. Everyone is creative
I’ve heard so many people tell me they could never do what I do and that they don’t have an ounce of creativity but this is not true! We are all creative because we were CREATED by God who created the whole universe and everything in it. He is creative and we were made in His image. Although we all have varying talents and varying amounts of talent, we are all creative in one way or another.
21. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling
Wow, what a statement! For so long I thought if I “forgave” but then at one point or another experienced negative emotion toward the forgiven, then I didn’t truly forgive. I would then feel guilty and beat myself up for not being able to forgive, especially when Jesus calls us to. The problem was I was thinking of forgiveness as a feeling (and I'm a person used to being in her feelings). In reality, forgiveness is a choice we make. The Hebrew word for forgiveness, nāśā, means “to lift up” (as in lift up to either move or remove), and “to take away.” When we forgive we are choosing to remove the debt owed to us.
22. Don’t quit before the miracle happens
It takes time. You can’t see the behind-the-scenes in your own life but that doesn’t mean nothing is happening. All in God’s timing, remember?
23. Resting makes you more productive (we’re also doing rest wrong, btw)
In the hustle and bustle of modern culture, it seems we’re all tired. We want to feel as productive as possible and that means doing all the things all at the same time, right? Who has time to rest when we have so much to do? (Do we actually have that much to do, though? This is an entirely different topic. Maybe I should write about it in the future.) Lack of rest compromises our focus, energy level, efficacy, etc.
24. Age does not equal wisdom
Knowledge is not power — applied knowledge is power. If applied knowledge is power, then reflective application of knowledge is wisdom….or may at least lead to wisdom. (Don’t quote me on that, I just made it up.) In all seriousness, I believe that having quiet moments in which we just reflect is essential. Older and wiser? Maybe. Maybe not.
25. Willpower is not inexhaustible
At the very moment of starting this sentence, I have been working on this article without interruptions for over an hour, am hungry, and have a headache. It is extremely tempting to keep my sentences as short as possible even though I want to explain and expand as best I can. That is how willpower works.
26. Cease striving
At the risk of getting redundant here (too late?), I’m just going to say I don’t need to strive because God has a perfect plan for my life.
27. We need each other
We do not exist in a vacuum.
28. You’ll never know if you never ask. Just ask.
I have often felt that by asking I was making someone feel obligated and uncomfortable. That’s a bit silly, though. I can’t make anyone feel anything — I'm not in charge of their emotions. What’s the worst that can happen?
29. It is ok to be ordinary
We live in a very individualistic society where everyone wants to be different, stand out, be the best, be unique, etc. Average and ordinary are the enemies, but average and ordinary are all most of us will ever be — and that’s ok. Life happens in the ordinary, in the mundane. Moreover, God works in the ordinary and mundane, friend.
If we try and resist the ordinary we will end up missing out on all the beauty and awe of the little things and moments.
30. There is freedom in simplicity
When things are simple, they’re just easier to process and more appealing all around. Simplicity helps keep the overwhelm at bay, not only visually but mentally as well.
31. There is blessing in singleness
I wish I knew this earlier; it would have saved me a lot of heartaches. This is a pretty big topic and I have actually written an entire article on this which you can find below.